I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
