so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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