Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
