If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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