WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize