If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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