pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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