Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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