dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
