It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
