It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
