I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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