i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
