Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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