oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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