"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
