I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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