And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize