It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
