Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i think my mom watched the whole time
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
they're like a gay fantastic four
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
