I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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