Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
