I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
