don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
