barbara walters just said penis...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
