I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
