Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
