Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
