I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
