Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
