its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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