FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
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