Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
