i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
