I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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