im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
