at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
