There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
