jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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