a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
