My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
