his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
