Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
