Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
