Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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