I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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