Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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