Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize