my mouth tastes like poor choices
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She tied me up with her honor cords...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
