i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
