HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sext me about skeletons
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
