Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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