you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
