Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
