I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
