I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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