Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
