Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
