I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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