Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
