I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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