'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize