On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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