Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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