We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
