Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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