this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
