We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
