Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
