let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize