i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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