i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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