Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
