if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
