Sry I called you an 8
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
