Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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