Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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