Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
