you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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