would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
