Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
