just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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