im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Randomize
