How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
