I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
