Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
