3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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