drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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