plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
