K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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