If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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