i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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