I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
