Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
