On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize